Modeling Again

Fair warning, this post is gonna be super boring. Sorry audience, I wasn’t writing for you this time (oops)!

So last night was my first night figure modeling since… April? That sounds about right. It’s been a while at any rate, and as always I had to readjust to the, you know… nakedness.

I think it’s pretty needless to say that being naked immediately puts you in a position of vulnerability. It’s not that I ever feel threatened by being around any of the students or professors while modeling — after all, they are there to practice skills that they can’t really practice anywhere else. It’s just that being naked always digs up body image problems and self-image concerns which can really make the whole experience unpleasant. Thankfully, the longer I do this, the easier it gets, and the better I feel about my body. I was actually able to see a marked change in my body this session, based on how I’d been drawn in other sessions. In other words, I could tell that I’ve lost some weight and gotten a lot more toned (fuck yeah free weights!). When you can see something as superficial as that in a picture of yourself, it can be a huge confidence boost. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t suddenly gotten skinny and fit, I just started feeling more comfortable in my own skin.

A lot of friends ask if (or just assume) it’s awkward to be naked in front of people who I know. Generally the answer is no, which often comes as a surprise to them. I knew a couple of the artists drawing last night, one being a sorority sister, another the little brother of a different sister (that one was a tad more awkward for me, considering I’d never modeled for him before). Knowing people in the room well enough to trust them can really help a model overcome some of the initial fear she (or he) may have when the robe comes off for the first time.

The whole point of starting this blog was to talk about the random crap that floats into my head during my modeling sessions. Last night, I thought extensively about how I can choose my friends. Just like any romantic relationship, if a friendship goes sour and doesn’t seem to be healthy, then you have to cut ties. I have this terrible habit of hanging on to friendships that have ended in the hopes that maybe something meaningful can be rekindled. Much like learning how to let go and feel comfortable dropping my robe at the beginning of a modeling session, I have to start feeling comfortable dropping the dead weight of people who don’t actually give a shit about me. That doesn’t make them a bad person, it just means that we aren’t exactly compatible with one another on a platonic level. Sometimes that realization hurts. But sometimes it’s exactly the thing to set you free from an unhealthy tangle of emotions.

Just… let go. Sometimes it’s simply easier that way.

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1 Comment

  1. Don

     /  September 15, 2012

    Muse:

    it is interesting that you wrote this as some of the things you mentioned are going on in my life right now.

    I was feeling terrible about my life, so I picked up a self help book. First chapter was why men should leave women that are screwing up their lives. I dropped the book immediately as I did not believe a word of it.

    I have, since then, decided that leaving is best for my health.

    Why do we stay so long? Why do we try to fix the other person or the relationship? Why, why, why?

    I wish you lots of luck in your transition and hope my goes as well.

    Don

    Reply

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