So Bad, And Yet So Good – Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

Tonight I decided that, rather than seeing something legitimate like Zero Dark Thirty or Silver Linings Playbook, I would see Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. And I can’t believe it, but I’m not regretting it.

Let’s set the scene shall we? Just so you understand the state of mind I was in. A friend and I were originally planning to see Les Mis, simply because I hadn’t seen it yet, but it was already gone at the place I wanted to go. So then Django Unchained, which both of us had already seen (holy shit, go see that obvious Oscar winner), but nope, also gone. So. We were down to two serious, but highly acclaimed movies (as stated above), and a number of pieces of obvious crap. And so the answer was the brand new movie with hot actors, guns, and explosions. I was not disappointed in any of those respects.

Before I really begin, let me just say, Hansel & Gretel is a straight-up bad movie. BAD. Terrible plot, pacing, and largely scripting. But there ARE reasons I think you should watch it… just maybe not in theaters.

I mean, I think they're hot.

I mean, I think they’re hot.

So aside from Jeremy Renner being beautiful, and (be still my heart) Gemma Arterton stealing the show, there were no good characters. Neither of them were even particularly good. They were just… entertaining.

There was a bit of steampunk flair to the whole thing, which I thought was amusing, as it was only shown through weapons, as opposed to dress (at least in large part) or affectation. I like guns, I like metal, I like explosions. I mean, don’t get me wrong, if I sit down to watch Breakfast At Tiffany’s, don’t you dare make any loud noises, because I might punch you. Violence begets violence. Don’t do it. (Sorry, maybe I really enjoyed the ridiculousness of this movie because of the yummy stein I filled up with a not entirely yummy beer to last the entirety of the film, if you can call it that).

The witches were silly, very silly. Over the top, and I really enjoy just plain laughing at them because they didn’t scare, they didn’t intimidate, and they certainly only made me feel uncomfortable because of the terrible scripting. It was nice to see them get exploded and squished though…

Yeah this is going to be a short review, simply because this movie is so terrible. Don’t go in expecting something fantastical. The plot sucks, the scripting is contrived, etc. But you will laugh, laugh at the ridiculosity of the whole thing.

And want badly to make out with the badass Gemma Arterton every minute.

Leave a comment


  1. There is nothing wrong with liking a bad movie and having a guilty pleasure. Mine is “Hudson Hawk”; which I actually i did not think was bad.

  2. I definitely agree. Ironically I haven’t seen either “Red Riding Hood” or “Snow White and the Huntsman,” so I can’t compare, but I imagine they’re very similar. Like I said, yeah I saw it in theaters, but my advice to anyone is to just wait for the Redbox. XD

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