Step By Step Vegetarian

So, I read Skinny Bitch, finally. Damn those ladies know how to make you feel like a fatass. Long story short, this former model (with a Masters in holistic nutrition) and former model agent are promoting a vegan diet, largely on the grounds of improved health and vitality. Yes they talk about the ethical treatment of animals. But more importantly, they talk about why eating meat and dairy are just plain bad for you.

It’s not as much about the ethical issues, it’s more about all the shitty chemicals that the U.S. government allows us to ingest on a daily basis (fuck the USDA, just sayin’). When I was in high school I had to read Silent Spring, and the only thing that I gathered (or at least distinctly remembered) was the concept of biomagnification, whereby chemical pesticides increase in concentration as they travel through the food chain. Now, I don’t know another single thing about biology, but the concept totally makes sense to me. If a cow eats contaminated corn and then we eat the cow’s meat, the pesticide stays in the meat, traveling through our bodies and damaging our cells, organs, and neurons.

I’m not going to keep going on about all of that, but let’s just say that I’m gonna try this whole eating healthier thing. And by healthier I mean no meat. I’m not ready for the no dairy yet. Besides, that big of a jump from omnivore to vegan would be a bit of a shock to my system. And by “a bit” I mean “completely disastrous.” As soon as I clear out all the meat I’ve already bought (1lb ground beef, 3 cans of tuna, 1/2 pack of deli turkey), I will do my best to dedicate myself to being a vegetarian.

So why post about this? I don’t know… I haven’t had anything better to write about lately? I’m going to chronicle this whole (likely) slightly painful and stressful transition. So step one? I plan on writing about all the stupid meaty cravings I have. You ready? ‘Cause this might get boring. It might get silly. It might get a little self-serving and ridiculous. Wanna hear my plan? Make the whole thing as honest as possible, just for you, my lovely readers. Real talk. Because let’s be frank, trying to become a vegetarian and convincing people you’re not a pretentious jerk is going to be a feat of hilarity, if nothing else.

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